A mothers love
by frozenfeet
Summary: What might have happened if Jessica hadn't quite been so quick about hiding the truckers body... Wanna find out. Un-Betaed as of yet. Be warned I stray into M content habitually and I don't mean lemons.


_Insert standard disclaimer:I don't own yadda yadda, does anyone actually read these?_

Chapter One

_Biology is the least of what makes someone a mother. ~Oprah Winfrey__** Barbara Ehrenreich**_

The silence of the dead. Guess that's why I had to practically fall over them to find it, him…. I must be living wrong. What is it with my life and bodies showing up every other week.

Warmer than a vampire but glimmer of thought. He's past hurting now, whoever he was, he hasn't been dead long_. _

Dating a vampire made me less squeamish about touching dead flesh than I would have been six months ago but I don't want to put my fingers near those fang marks. I kneel down and touch his wrist lightly to check what I already knew. I can't feel a pulse as I look from the corpse to Jessica and back again.

It's not like touching Bill; the warmth of the body turns my stomach. I push down my revulsion and carefully roll the man onto his front searching for a wallet or some form of ID.

My hands feel clumsy and fumbling even as I try to be respectful in my investigation. Surrounded by constant noise my own inner voice gets drowned out, so it's rare that I hear it.

The gentleness of my touch comes more from shame that I can't help but hear the callous attitude that floats up out of the fog

_'Of all the things that could have happened tonight.'_

Tonight is one of those times when I'd rather listen to someone else. My own opinions aren't ones Gran would approve of.

When I don't have the head space to think it I just react in the eye of the storm… Usually I prefer it that way because the truth hurts, if you let it.

'_Jessicccaaaaa…..I don't want to deal with this'_

I want and try to be better. Be how Gran raised me to be, but I'm just as selfish and heartless as the people I listen to, and just as squeamish.

The revulsion of touching a dead man is creeping through my trembling fingers and spreading up to the rest of me. Throwing up isn't the smartest idea. Screwing my eyes shut I pull my hand back as though it was burned by the contact. Dropping the notion of searching the wallet I find. Knowing for certain who this man was will only make the guilt worse and I have bigger fish to fry than the tangled mess that is my unchristian head.

_'I can't just leave a corpse in the hall for God and everyone to see. Fuck'_

Deep breath Sookie I tell myself. Deep breath, in and out, in and out, that mantra running through my head is the only thing keeping me from screaming. That and yellin isn't going to help with the amount of trouble we're in. Not the person who needs it most, and with Bill gone I'm in charge.

"Sookie….."

For the first time tonight something goes right, as Jessica hushes herself when I make no move to speak. Too busy focusing on calming down before I join this man by having my own heart attack of my own I don't even hear Jessica whimpering. I can almost pretend that I'm alone as I try not to jump to conclusions Jessica's silence helps me ignore my own panic..

That pause I allow myself helps me concentrate as I keep on repeating I didn't know what happened before the mur.. '_incident'_.

Jessica can tell me later what happened, before this, _upset_.

Using other words help me focus on the sweet girl I know. It must have been a _'Slip up_'. Jessica might be reckless, and heartbroken enough to go hunting for another boy to take her mind off Hoyt, but she's no killer, not on purpose.

It must have been an _'Accident'_.

I can't believe it was her fault or… I can't say that first idea out loud yet. I won't even think it. The shaking teenager in front of me is difficult (a hell of a lot less difficult than I remember Hadley being) but she's no monster… I don't know what happened yet and she isn't talking either, but she sounds terrified.

_'Mishap_',

Was she scared before I got here? If someone tried to hurt her…That could explain it, Jessica is a newborn vampire, she's just a girl who doesn't know her own strength.

_'Mistake',_

She's strong but I know she wouldn't hurt Hoyt in a million years. Ok she might have bit his momma but Maxine is a hate filled bitch, and Jessica pulled back. That's important. She never killed Maxine even though everyone was acting a little crazy during the Mary-Ann fiasco. Really she didn't even hurt her that bad. Bill's bitten me worse by accident when he get's carried away.

I refuse to think badly about Jessica. This man must have tried to hurt her there's no other explanation. Was he part of the crew that took Bill, it would make sense if they tried to take Jessica too.

I guess this man would blend in round here dressed like a trucker, but I never thought Eric would use _humans_ to capture a vampire .That's just dumb, maybe it wasn't Eric, maybe this man's just another hate filled zealot or...

Maybe , maybe , maybe…My building hysterics are cut short as in the background I hear a small voice; my voice again, heh, it sounds kinda like Gran now .

_"Suck it up Sookie, deal with it."_

Dispose of a dead body, that's a Christian thing to do….I can't trust myself to speak to Jessica yet so I kneel there breathing. In and out, in and out. As my head spins, _ ' How the hell do I get rid of this and not get caught….. when did my life turn into one of those crime novels I use to read…_. About the same time I started dating a vampire so I guess I better get use to it I've read enough mysteries to…Uh-oh brain flash, I really have read to many detective books. Could it work...

Strangely my inner Gran was more concerned with my sniveling accomplice than morality .

_"Jessica didn't go to Bill with this she's counting on you. So face reality;". _

Uneasy as I am standing next to a cooling corpse those words drip ice calm into my soul. I can feel them harden around my heart blocking out the emotions that threaten to overwhelm me.

_'My house, my responsibility…my home, our home…'_ Suddenly I find I have lots more reasons to feel guilty about house isn't the only thing I've been neglecting.

Jessica is, I reflect with a grim certainty, as much my responsibility as she is Bill's, maybe more mine than Bill's.

_'Stop being such a damsel in distress and move your ass..'_

Through the rambling mess of self pity I knew what I had to do.

Standing up from the body made time stretch out and slow for me as I listen to my own mental rant

Everything feels solid but surreal like I'm somehow still dreaming as I stand there with my eyes closed listening hard to my own voice as I work though my plan. It might be days before I hear my own mind again.

'_Are you going to stand there and let another person you care about down?'_

'.…..'

'_Are you ? !'_

I don't hear me often but that voice I recognize,

'.…..'

What I don't recognize is a wheedling little noise pulsing in the back of my mind. Had it always been there, or was I just going crazy cause Bill wasn't around? That noise feels unnaturally intrusive and oily in my mind.

It was so quiet I'd never heard it before but when I searched for it I hear it clear as a bell. I don't know what it is, but I didn't like it. I'm feeling dirty just listening for it.

_" have to find Bill. Leave Jessica. Forget this. Find Bill , find Bill."_

Eww, that wasn't my voice, or Gran's..…

The stress must be getting to me because I can almost imagine that tiny voice screaming in a panic is a catfish as I force it away. I can almost picture it swimming in my mind, a big dark sly old catfish with sharp teeth. Lurking in murky water and hiding from the light in the filth.

Brain fish, yeah, that's the thought of a sane person alright.

My nick name crazy Sookie is a little more accurate than I like sometimes but that part of me, that catfish, was growing dimmer and dimmer the more I shove.

_'Is it me, what else could it be?'_

It was fighting against each push back, trying to take control. I wasn't having that. I didn't want a catfish in my head. I thrust it away violently and it goes still almost like it's stunned. I slam my shield around the catfish not waiting until it wakes. The larger part of me echoed back to it

_'Deal with you later , catfish'_

My eyes snap open wide and the world crystallized around me becoming clear and simple. I'd never felt so confident since before Gran died. Catfish contained for now but …Why does it feel like it's fighting my shields? My head is seriously weird, but again bigger fish to fry. The time for procrastination is over when there's a _dead body_ in the hall.

I turned to face Jessica and call on reserves of composure I never knew I had as my dress soaks up the blood stains.

"Jessica go into my kitchen… On the hook there are a set of keys. You want the little square copper one…. Out back is a shed… Get the chain saw out of my shed and then come back here. I'm going to need a bucket of bleach and some rubber gloves"

'_That's it Sookie keep the tone calm, and she'll stay calm_'

Mentally I can't help but congratulate myself for keeping it together.

A little too preoccupied to think closely on the look Jessica's giving me. All I could focus on was if that my voice speaking. The clipped words came from me, but I hardly recognize it. I sound, different. My voice is rock steady as I tell her what we are about to do.

Halfway between scared and relieved she smiles like I'm her savior, obeying without a word or a glance in my direction. With my accomplice speeding off to my house I do what any good southern woman does when she finds her family in trouble, she cleans house before the law arrives.

* * *

I survey the damage critically. Getting blood off the floor will be harder if it dries so I really shouldn't wait because Jessica obviously hadn't drained him.

His blood has steadily dripped out on to the floor and into my heels Eww. Shaking my foot wasn't the smartest of moves and only splatters drips further.

_'Being prudish about a little blood is such a great idea Sookie. You date a vampire for God's sake.'_

Inner Gran's right, I need to stop being so ridiculous. My kitchen was in worse shape and I still cleaned that alone… Kicking my own ass with a pep talk to grow up I drag the body out to the back door by his shoes so I wouldn't have to look at it while I mop what blood there is up with a couple of old towels Bill had hanging around.

_'Crap now I have more to clean up. I'd better wrap that up soon it's oozing, and don't corpses expell…oh that's defiantly going outside. Blood is the only thing I want to mop off the floors' _

Eerily calm as I go about my plan, rationally I know I shouldn't be.

A few hours ago my heart was hammering away in my chest so fast I panicked and ran from Bill. Ran away for a bothersome feeling I still can't understand or explain away. I don't like not knowing my own mind, it's the only thing of mine that people can't alter. Out of pride I try to nail the feeling down, all it does is brings back the catfish out of it's cage.

The part of me that just wanted to run off and find Bill was insidious and trying to grow louder again, humming away in the background pushing panic and paranoia as it grew urging me to leave Jessica and to. Ok I own that I can be selfish, and maybe I am crazy, but that voice really didn't feel like me and what it wants me to do is just _wrong_.

Now there was just me around and I'm listening for it I can hear it. I won't let it force me to ignore its presence again.

I forced it back, imagining hitting that catfish square on the nose for good measure. Punching it hard, like how Jason punched Newlin. Stunned again and forced it back into a cage, aware it won't be there for long.

Finally laughing out loud as I play it a dial tone. _'Busy covering up a murder right now. Sookie Stackhouse is up to her armpits in blood, again. Please leave a message after the beep.'_

I imagined disconnecting the links it had in my mind and with one good hit I imagine killing it. At the summation of that little act the part of 'not' me screaming for Bill went dead…and vanished.

I feel…. I feel like I'm alone now.

I was alone before but now actually I feel like it.

Reality beckons. There's no time to stand about, with my luck the cops will be here any minute and there's still blood on the stairs from my heels when I went to get more towels. I have to stop distracting myself the waters gone cold in my day-dreaming

Throwing the blood soaked towels and my blood soaked shoes in the washing machine I run down what's next on my list, calm as Daddy's pond on a still summer's day...

Jessica will be back soon so blood is the first thing that I need to get rid of around a baby vampire.

* * *

**_Later on_**

No sign of Jessica, but that's not a bad thing. The longer she's away the more chance there is that she'll settle enough to tell me what happened. I should keep working until she gets back but what is left to do. The visible bloods gone and the bodies' now on tarp in a wheel barrow so I can move it later…hold on a minute, the cop shows never just find blood.

I have to get rid of all the stuff I can't see: hair, skin, fibers and fingerprints, with the body out of sight that doesn't seem hard to do.

I empty and refill the blood bucket for the seventh time and continue to clean like a mad woman. My mind flying off in all kinds of directions as I work.

The last of my soul must have froze as I set the washing machine going for a second time.

Busy work keeps me from wondering where the hell Jessica (her stuff is all over just like I'd expect from a teenager) is but it's not that distracting. My own distraction isn't any better. Thinking about Bill is painful but it stops my mind is wandering back and forth to the body that is now in the back yard and how it got here.

_'Why the hell am I relieved that Bill's not here to help, that doesn't make sense'_

Busy work is better than that train of thought.

I change the bed sheet in both rooms just in case, I can't be too careful.

If this gets pinned on Bill they might find out about the other three murders he committed for my sake.

Regrettably my zealous clean-a-thon has ruined my new dress, I should have changed before I started messing about with the bleach. Since I started getting involved with vampires it seems like all my nice clothes get ruined. I can morn that it's not salvageable but it was worth it. Bleach kills bacteria; I figured maybe it will destroy DNA evidence round the house as well.

What is taking Jessica so long?

* * *

An hour later and the house is still empty as Jessica takes her time bringing me the tools I need. I could get use to the silence, all I heard was my own thoughts.

_"If the blood don't wash off those towels this time I can burn them with the yard junk."_

I don't know where it came from but I start to snigger, and then giggle to myself that I make a dangerous woman. Once it starts I can't stop it and lie on the floor in uncontrollable laughter "Sookie Stackhouse for the sake of the world, no one should ever make you a vampire."

The door banged as Jessica ran back in the house and made her way upstairs to me. Not even a foot away Jessica stood smiling with the chain saw and a look I'm not to familiar with. A bizarre combination of apprehension, amazement and adoration on her young face. I return Jessica's look with a skeptical one of my own

"_It's not that amazing it's just hard work"_

She smiles and drops her eyes as she starts to help me destroy the evide… er _clean the house_. It felt wonderful that with Jessica scarcely a word is said and yet we understood each other so well sometimes.

My hands are red and sore. All traces of this man should have been destroyed completely by the extreme clean-up which has probably not been good for the antique furniture. Let's see Bud get any finger prints off that.

For now we can afford to take a break and listen to the radio. We've vacuumed up every scrap of dust, cleaned every surface (including all the hidey holes) we can.

I'm not sure if Bill will be as happy with my invasion as Jessica is but he's coming home to a clean house when I find him, and when I do I want a few word of my own with my not quite fiancé. It isn't just me he's been keeping in the dark.

When Bill Compton get home his ass is toast. I can see why Bill has kept me away from her, Jessica's very chatty when she knows someone's actually listening to her. She knows less about what's going on than I do. Jessica barely realizes I'm telepathic and had no clue why she was killed until I told her. I always knew Bill was selective with what he told me but Jessica's a vampire, she needs to know this stuff.

As I nurse a cup of coffee Jessica refuses the blood I heated saying they taste like ass, she has been tipping them down the sink they taste so bad.

Does Bill know she hasn't been drinking? He's her maker he should know, but I shrug it off for now. She looks ok, and the smell of the corpse has finally gone even to Jessica's sensitive nose.

As the clock chimes I know it's time for the job I've been putting off. I'd already set up in the wood a little ways out from the yard but still on Bills property. It wouldn't be hard for Jessica to find as quick as she can run. I still worry if I'll have the stomach for what I'm about to do, but not enough anxiety to want her with me.

As much as I love Jessica I couldn't stand to look at her high regard for me, not while I…. I've already done something very wrong and this night wasn't going to get better .

Calmly explaining why she had to do it and retreat back to my house to shower and change clothes after she finished I sent Jessica outside for her next task.

Jessica's beyond the tree line while I tied up my hair and donned the rubber gloves. I can't decide if it is a good thing that I'm channeling Gran, I even told Jessica to _"mind her feet out in the dark now"_ like I remember her saying to me every time I went out at night as a little girl. It's not even been half a night and I'm adjusting to think of calling her mine, if only for a little while.

As I steadied my nerves I got to work pulling on a pair of Bills boots as fret over my cover story.

The facts I could fudge all depended on who showed up and I needed to keep the story as straight as possible in case a certain vampire stuck his nose in.

Of the humans round here I bet it will be Andy, he's the only one who'd willingly venture up to a vampires neck of the woods. Yes Andy will be the best one to ask for because no matter what I say as soon as he gets drunk again the whole town will hear it and make up their own versions like the Mary-Ann fiasco..

Fooling Andy wouldn't be hard, but with our complicated history I might be pushing my luck if I lie too much. If it's Andy I'll tell him the truth.

I came home and found a body in the house. I just won't say when I found it, or which house I found it in. Andy isn't the brightest man, and with the recent craziness fresh in his mind he'll believe that someone else committed murder and just can't remember it, like poor Eggs. I hope he can make peace with his own memories but I doubt it. The best thing for everyone right now would be if this gets swept under the rug.

Jessica should have finished digging and headed home by now. I've put _it_ off enough. I have to move the body while it's still dark. A glance at the clocks tells me it's nearly four, about the time when most folks sleep deepest and even the vampires are getting ready for bed.

Perfect timing for this the fewer witnesses the better. Sun up's at seven so I have three hours and I'll need them on my own this is not going to be easy. The old cotton sheets I got off the beds will have to do for a shroud because I don't have big enough sack to put him in.

As much as I would have wanted the help moving it I couldn't risk Jessica anywhere near the fresh blood not if she's been starving herself. I consider a morbid question when I reach the barrow.

Do corpses splatter?...

* * *

That might be _the_ grossest thing I've ever had to do wrapping a man up like a burrito tied with string but I did it; and somehow manage to keep my lunch down. At least it's no longer warm and I don't feel so bad now can't see his face through the makeshift shroud of cotton and shower curtain.

I really shouldn't be proud of myself for covering up a murder so well but as Gran always said

_'The Stackhouse woman are full of steel Sookie'_

and that's what I need to be for Jessica's sake. On the other hand being bigger and stronger would have been nice too, the body was heavy even in the wheel barrow.

As I trundle though the dark with my cargo getting stuck in every single rut on Bill's property my head keeps bouncing back and forth from how wrong this is and how this man deserved a proper Christian burial and more _pragmatic_ thoughts. Like how I don't have enough drain cleaner to dissolve the body in before dawn.

I have to stop reading crime novels if I'm using them to run rings round the police. Then again the way my life has been going lately I should probably give up on romance and stick to the books that might just save my ass. It wasn't just the cops I'd need to outsmart. Lord I hope that I'm wrong but Andy is the least of my problems.

I check the sky and ground for voids as I wheel the burrito body further out into the woods. It wasn't just Jessica staring at me like a superhero that made me send her to dig the deep grave, vampires are fast when they need to be.

If I'm right and Eric does have Bill, him can handle himself for a little bit. Eric won't kill him not yet anyhow. I'll be getting a call from Fangtasia tomorrow maybe the day after. Eric will be waiting for me to come to him in a fluster. Then Eric will want to 'negotiate' for something with Bill as the price, just like he did with the Dallas job. (Jack ass still hasn't paid me, not that I thought he would but still).

Too bad Eric I'm not falling for it this time you're playing by my rules. Even so, this mess needs to be disappeared before anyone shows. I'd bet last weeks tips that vampires can tell the difference between dead humans and animals.

Jumpy as I am tranquility greats me at every turn when I reach the grave (more of a pit), so far so good. There's even a decent amount of moonlight to help with my work as I'm hoping against hope that I can keep it together for the next part as I fetched the chain saw from where Jessica left it.

While I start the motor I'm not so sure that I can keep my dinner down any more ….

* * *

Cutting up a body was a lot easier than it should be if you didn't think of it as a person any longer. After the first few limbs I was numb just like when I cleaned up Gran's murder The blood didn't splatter through onto tarp wrap as much as I thought it would. My inner thoughts rattle on working though the task step by step as I went somewhere else in my own head as I carried on carving the corpse into small chucks.

_'A freshly cleaned chainsaw in the house wouldn't look good to law enforcement if they came snooping. I'd get Jessica to cut branches out here later to cover the blade in dirt, tree bark and sap. That'll make it easier to explain away the noise, a vampire wouldn't have any say about doing yard work at night time.'_

Morbid as the task was thinking of this burrito as dead meat was easiest as the blade went through the bones like butter.

I was so numb I floated outside myself it felt like wasn't even me doing this gruesome act getting covered in blood as I fling chunks onto the coals in the pit.

I logically moved on to lining the pit that was to be this man's grave with the fire wood and tinder Jessica piled before covering the grave with liquid fuel Jason had left last summer and top it off with the tarp, bloody side down.

_"The glow of a fire wouldn't be as noticeable during the day as it would be tonight. I'd burn the body parts tomorrow along with some other things I remembered I'd buried in the yard. Bloody clothes of any sort should not be found on my property right now._"

I weighed the trap down with stones and covered it with soil and leaves to disguise any trace. That wouldn't put of any animals that were interested but maybe the smell of accelerant might. Exhausted from my night I decided I was calling in sick tomorrow .. er today. For now my own empty bed beckoned.

I was the walking dead as I strolled to Bill's kitchen the bloody chain saw in my hand as fluids I'd rather not think about dried on my legs and dress, which was now only fit for the bonfire.

I dimly mused that Bill might want to be human but I was meeting him halfway to vampire as I carefully took the old chainsaw to pieces and washed the blade and other parts thoroughly in Bill's kitchen sink.

Not even the smallest bit of feeling penetrated the logical haze.

The saw could dry on the draining board until morning, no sense putting it back together wet. I'd get Jessica to smell it tomorrow before I put it back together. There couldn't be a trace of human blood left before I went through with the next part.

I checked the washer before heading back. Thankfully the blood had come out the towels and I changed my mind about burning Bill's dress. Getting rid of it would be commented on, Kenya had seen me in it… ….bingo.

If I just washed the dry clean dress a couple of times like I had with the towels… Whoops ….Well I'm only a dumb blonde. I can't help but smirk that the cops would defiantly buy that story and I'd still have it in case Kenya got suspicious. If it got ruined by 'accident' I had an excuse never to wear it again.

* * *

The ice chill in my soul began to thaw and I came back into myself. I was no longer watching my body from a distance.

_'What had I just done_',

It hit me like a freight truck as I walked through the cemetery.

_ 'I should have called the police like a respectable person, they could have_…' Cold rage built in my chest as stopped in the graveyard to finished that thought (I was getting use to hearing my brain now. I should try to do it more often.)

Why? Even if I should inform the law or Eric who were they to decide what was right, it was not like either of them did a stellar job of it.

Eric was well, _Eric_…and most of Bon Temp's didn't care about anyone who wasn't 'normal' anyway and they included me in that category. What had the police done to help protect my family. Bill from the mob, or me from Rene or... Every time they just went through the motions.

My indignant inner Gran had been right before _'face reality Sookie'_.

In some ways Bon Temps was just as bad as the fellowship. They wouldn't even file a damn missing persons report for Bill tonight. That was just plain wrong.

Bon Temps police _could_ have done something but what _would_ they have done is condemned Jessica without asking what had happened. What they_ would _have done is imprisoned her if not killed her and then pinned anything else they could have on the scary vampire.

I wasn't hanging her out to dry like everyone else did to me.

Talking to Kenya or God forbid Andy or Bud wouldn't bring that man back, all it would do is end Jessica's life, and then they'd turn on and me for harboring a 'monster' in their town.

In a way it was my fault, Bill kept telling me it was dangerous to leave Jessica on her own but I hadn't listened, well then she wouldn't be alone from now on.

As much as I loved Bill, or maybe because I loved him I had to sort this out before I tore off looking for him. Besides that barrel of snakes I had to sort out a plan for when Eric showed his smug face. I had to be smart, untrusting and devious for my own sake as well.

Who could I turn to for help?

Sam? He had his own problems, and was too good a man for me to involve in this even if he did owe Bill his life.

Jason? That was a scary thought, but even if he could have kept his mouth shut about this- which wouldn't happen in this life time. A former murder suspect shouldn't be involved unless we all wanted to get framed.

I wouldn't go to Eric either. If he didn't have Bill he still wouldn't help for free and this would give him leverage over me if he ever found out.

The creeping epiphany dawned on me, when it came to supernatural business there was a very good reason we had to take care of things ourselves.

Despite all my wandering I'd made it back to my house without doing something more foolish than standing on the porch and staring .

She'd killed someone. She'd just committed a murder, maybe drank his blood and…. I'd just dismembered his corpse… A sobering idea. I couldn't condemn Jessica without asking first but I still couldn't process it and focused my mind elsewhere. I hadn't felt much after killing Rene but Sam had been there for me. Jessica needed someone to help her and I was what she had.

Just like Gran was all I had.

Thinking about Gran gave me something to hold on to and staring at what MaryAnn had done to my home….It was still heart breaking to me. . _"Gran would have had a fit to see her house like this."_

So I had to ask myself why hadn't I cleaned up properly yet. I could make all the excuses I wanted but really it was because house felt different to me now. Something vital had been destroyed and I couldn't tell myself what was missing but something had been lost forever. It didn't feel as safe anymore. Tomorrow I promised myself, I'd see to it tomorrow, I still had a young vampire to deal with tonight.

I traced the void to pin point where Jessica was. The sight of her crying her heart out with blood tears dripping on my Gran's kitchen table made what I'd just done, everything I was going to do, alright somehow.

As much as I know that it wouldn't have ended well, I wished Bill was with me for this. I didn't know what to do with a teenage vampire, then again neither did her father, wait a sec. Bill wasn't.. When did I, never mind.

Maybe I should just forget the vampire part and go from there. Focus on the teenager part.

Talking about _what I'd found_ could wait till later. It was late we were both tired. Right now Jessica needed someone to hold her and tell her everything was going to be ok.

* * *

I couldn't follow the whole story as it spilled out but I understood why Jessica taken so long to get the chain saw. She'd had to wait for the coast to clear. Tara and Lafayette had shown up earlier. Jessica it turned out wasn't the only person who'd committed murder tonight.

Our resident idiot killed Eggs instead of showing compassion for a man in torment. Jessica couldn't explain why it had gone down like that but I could. I'd showed Eggs the truth. Poor Tara, she'd never forgive me.

When Jessica stole back into the house the first time to get the keys Tara was a bad enough mess that she could sneak in and out. The second time Jessica came by to shower and change Tara was drunk.

Jessica managed to get out the shower before Tara burst into my room. On seeing a vampire instead of me Tara flipped her lid. Seeing Jessica putting on my clothes set her temper off in a bad way. She lashed out at the nearest target of "supernatural shit" with her fists.

It had taken everything Jessica had but she hadn't hurt her, or even yelled back.

Thank God for Lafayette.

He dragged Tara off Jessica and outside to his car, making her stay there until she was sane enough to quit acting like a rabid animal. He told Jessica he'd bring Tara by to talk to me tomorrow. Tonight he'd deal with Tara.

All in all it hadn't been a fabulous night for anybody.

I sent a silent prayer to the God who let it happen, wasn't enough blood was on my hands already. Eggs, Rene, Gran, Tina, Bartlett, Gabe even Jessica's . I'd like to just blame it all on God but it was my fault. Why hadn't I learned to leave things alone, my curse never did anything but cause trouble.

... All those deaths, all because of me, the only difference was I just wouldn't (legally) be convicted for it. Unlike Jessica, I might feel like the worst person in the world right now but Andy's reaction earlier cemented that I had done the right thing in my mind.

I could feel the walls closing in cause I knew what else tomorrow would bring.

Jessica's might need to be supervised but what Bill can never get is she's still just a girl. Even if she had grown up a bit since she first came here. I couldn't waste time feeling guilty about abandoning Tara, she had Lafayette and her momma to take care of her. Jessica only had me. I couldn't protect Tara if her notorious temper provoked Jessica. That conversation wasn't going to go down well.

Before I'd even registered what I'd done my hands went to rub Jessica's shoulders like Gran did for me when I came home for school crying because I'd heard something nasty.

It felt vindicating to do that …Vampire or not she was seventeen freaked out alone and scared.

I kissed her head softly, there was a lot Bill never cared to know about Jessica. I was always the buffer between her and Bill because I understood Jessica's behavior a little too child has a few secrets about her home life she'd never told Bill. I almost wish I was too dumb to figure out but I knew. I knew by the atmosphere in her house. I knew it in my bones the second I saw Jessica's reaction to her father.

Tears pricked at my eyes but I couldn't give into them and wiped them away. Being the only adult in this house meant I didn't have the luxury of being able to fall apart. Jessica is barely grown she didn't know anything about life. _"She was still just a baby, and if Bill had been serious about marrying me that made her the closest thing I'd ever have to a child._"

I pulled Jessica closer to me as that thought sank in, limply she sank into my arms. I hadn't considered it but it was true, if I was Bill's wife she was mine as well as his.

_"Mine."_ I held her head against my chest as I wipe the blood tears from her eyes not worrying about the added stains to my already ruined clothes. In my heart of hearts I knew that Gran, God rest her soul, would have done _anything_ to protect me and she'd taught me to do the same for mine.

I wouldn't abandon Bill but Jessica was too vunerable she couldn't come tearing after him with me.

"Jessica, I'm going to make it alright. Can you trust that I'm going to fix this sweetie. I'm gonna make this all go away, but you're going to need to help me tomorrow night. So you stay here with me. Shush now sweetie don't cry I have a hidey hole here. We don't need to tell Bill any of this when we get him back"

All I had to do was look into those blood rimmed eyes and my mind was made up. Bill was a grown ass man, he could handle a night at Eric's, our daughter needed her momma.

_The heart of a mother is a deep abyss at the bottom of which you will always find forgiveness. ~Honoré de BalzacBeing_

* * *

_I don't do author notes as a rule: but this is going up before some one picks up on the details and asks why there's blood flowing on the floor from a dead man._

_For the people who noticed that, you're more in the know than Sookie she assumed he was dead before she checked. She might be smart but she is not a nurse, or even a first aider. When she took the pulse from the wrist she did it wrong (easy to do if you've never been shown how to do it properly). She doesn't think to look for a mirror, or ask Jessica if he's still alive… Happy Halloween my lovelies. Happy Halloween_


End file.
